The Butterfly Effect
by Skate-815
Summary: On Sam's wedding day, she thinks how things could have gone differently. A two shot from her POV. Tis something different from usual, tell me what you think
1. The Butterfly Effect

**And I'm back, doing what I do best- Angsty one shots. Perhaps inspired a little by that film the Butterfly Effect that I saw recently, but it's not really similar to that at all. The first 4 paragraphs are a load of crap, but it gets better, trust me.**

**This fic talk about past events in TB as well as some stuff I made up, **

**Enjoy**

_There's a popular theory, called the Chaos Theory, also know as the butterfly effect, stating that small, seemingly insignificant thing, such as a butterfly beating it's wings, can have catastrophic effects worldwide._

**The Butterfly Effect**

When I met Hugh Wallis, I didn't like him. However, the next day, I saw him helping out a distressed child and I realised he must have been nice enough. Nice enough to sleep with and thus damning Abi in the future, before even having her.

I applied for a job at Sunhill because I saw an ad in a paper I didn't regularly get, saying it needed officers, and I needed a change, so I decided to apply. Little did I know that this snap decision would lead to me meeting the love of my life and my fiancé, Stuart Turner.

If the DCI hadn't paired me with DS Phil Hunter the day he was shot, I'd never have saw him in a new light, and he would possibly never have attempted to kiss me, changing my opinion of him forever. No longer was he just the lazy, slacking philanderer. Now he was the lazy, slacking philanderer who wanted me. It was a self esteem boost if nothing else.

If I hadn't slept with Hugh, he wouldn't have abducted Abi, and Phil wouldn't have helped to save her. Wouldn't have been my knight in shining armour. Wouldn't have held me while I cried, blaming myself for things I couldn't possibly have seen coming.

If that cow, Kate hadn't turned up in time to interrupt Phil and I's first proper date…. Who knows where we would be right now. Maybe it would be him standing beside the alter tomorrow instead of Stuart. Maybe we'd already be married, with one, two, maybe even three kids. Or maybe he would have cheated on me within the first month, and I'd have moved on to Stuart anyway. Who knows?

If that poor man's child hadn't been killed in that car crash, the station wouldn't have been held hostage. Phil wouldn't have had to help Zain carry out his idiotic plan, jumping into a car and driving to force open a boot. Zain wouldn't have crashed, and I wouldn't have realised that I loved Phil after screaming his name into that unresponsive radio. I wouldn't have thrown my arms around Phil the first chance I got, ignoring all stares and comments. I wouldn't have had to brush it off the next day as worry for a 'friend'.

If Stuart hadn't arrived, would I have eventually kissed Phil like I kissed Stuart in that car park? Or would the pointless, painful game of flirting between 'just friends' have gone on until it killed us both? Phil became so much more attractive to me while I was with Stuart. Now that there was something stopping me getting him, I wanted him more than ever. No longer was it inevitable that Phil and I would get together, because I had Stuart. And I couldn't help hating Stuart just a little bit for that.

Alternatively, if I'd never met Phil, would I even have agreed to date Stuart? I would like to say yes, of course I would. I'm marrying him tomorrow. But the honest part of me knows that I did it because I knew Phil was watching. I didn't know I'd fall pregnant with Stuart's child. I didn't know I'd start to care for him the way I care for Phil. At the start it was a jealousy thing, just to hurt Phil like he'd hurt me with Kate. I didn't know it would get serious.

If I hadn't miscarried, I certainly wouldn't have been sent to Romania. It would have been too dangerous for the baby. Stuart would probably just have sent Phil alone, and he might have been killed. So for that reason alone, I thank God I lost that child.

If we hadn't been shot at in Romania, I wouldn't have kissed Phil and we wouldn't have made love in that grotty B&B. We wouldn't have had a relationship to hide from everyone back home. Phil wouldn't have kissed me in the corridor, and I wouldn't have to be afraid that anyone's looking. If Phil hadn't told me he loved me, I wouldn't have gotten scared. I wouldn't have run from our relationship, proving myself to be a complete hypocrite. With Stuart, I asked for a commitment I knew he couldn't give me. The first time I got what I'd been wanting from Phil Hunter in four years, I'd broken his heart. Maybe I want to be unhappy.

If I hadn't ran from Phil, Stuart wouldn't have seen his window of opportunity and dived back in, saying he was ready for the commitment that I knew he could never give me. That's why I agreed. Because after Phil, I couldn't bear to be alone while he went back to his philandering ways. Unfortunately, he didn't. He stayed alone, looking miserable every time Stuart spoke of our relationship.

If Phil hadn't told me that he knew I loved him in that arrogant tone, I wouldn't have agreed to move in with Stuart again. We wouldn't have been arguing over stupid things such as what colour to paint the walls and cleaning. I wouldn't have walked out, to the bar on Christmas Eve and spotted Phil alone in a corner, ignoring the girl in her twenties trying to force herself on him. I wouldn't have listened to his woes about child support, and he wouldn't have listened to mine about Stuart. We wouldn't have reminisced about old times and he wouldn't have kissed me. I wouldn't have kissed him back and an angry Stuart wouldn't have seen us and punched Phil. And most importantly, I wouldn't have realised that Phil was right. I was still in love with him and I wouldn't have gone back to Stuart out of pure guilt for having feelings for another man.

I wouldn't have ignored Phil the next day when he pulled me aside and told me he still loved me. I wouldn't have to have felt guilty for sleeping with him on my birthday, which Stuart had left me to celebrate alone.

I wouldn't have sat, surrounded by friends and family members last night at my hen party, wishing the groom was another man. I wouldn't have stood up, telling everyone I want an early night. I wouldn't have gone for a walk alone in the cool night air, just to clear my head. I wouldn't have entered a deserted park, just to sit on a freezing bench, in a place Phil and I once shared chips on an undercover case.

If Phil had proposed instead of Stuart, I would have heard the man approach from behind. I would have been able to cry out, help myself as he shoved me to the ground and tried to rape me. I wouldn't have had to been saved by a passing stranger. I wouldn't have blurted out Phil's name instead of Stuart's when he asked who to call. I wouldn't have spent the night in Phil's arms as I cried, not just over the rape. Over everything. What sort of person was I that I only ran to Phil for comfort, before pushing him aside as soon as Stuart came back?

If my life had turned out the way it should have, I wouldn't be standing shaking outside this church door. I wouldn't be nervous, because I'd know I'd be marrying the man I'm meant to be with. It's nearly time for me to come inside, and I wouldn't be postponing the moment, staring all around furtively searching for Phil. I wouldn't be relieved when he comes to talk to me, minutes before the wedding starts. I wouldn't be hanging on his every word, desperate for him to say those three little words, and give me an excuse to break away. I wouldn't be desperately disappointed as he says

"Good luck" instead.

This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, so why am I terrified that something will go wrong? That I'll say the wrong name. That Stuart'll realise my feelings for Phil are far from over. When the vicar asks if anyone objects, I can't help but look at Phil, and he stares right back, staying in his seat. Slowly, I turn my head back to Stuart and force myself to smile. Suddenly there's muttering in the crowd to my right, and I turn and see Phil is standing silently. All eyes are on him now, breath collectively held, wondering what'll happen next. A realise with a pang that he's not going to say it. I've given him all the wrong signals, and now I might have lost him forever. For what seems like an age, he stands still, before clearing his throat and mumbling

"Sorry," before dropping back to his seat, face red. I sigh, which Stuart clearly mistakes for relief and he whispers

"Thank Goodness he didn't made a scene." I nod numbly and wonder what small thing I could have changed to make Phil say what he had to. My eyes flick to Phil and he mouths 'sorry' at me. Sorry for what, I wonder? Making a scene? Or losing his courage at the last second? Looks like I'll never know.

**So what do you all think?? If i get enough positive feedback I may do one from Phil's POV with a different ending. and with none of that " I wouldnt" stuff repeatedly, cos that was really starting to drive even me mad towards the end**


	2. Epilogue

**Well guess what? Abi, kelbobs, Vikki, lilly-lou, gabiace, someones-angel-always, leanne, dolphincrazy and becki all reviewed so i was convinced to do an epilogue.**

**really big thanks for those reviews**

**The Butterfly Effect- Epilogue**

_Phil's POV_

I don't believe she married him. It's more my fault than anyone else's though. If I'd had the courage to tell her I love her the night before, before the ceremony, or even during, she'd be with me now, and not on her Honeymoon with him. They're back tomorrow. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. Part of me is aching to see her, while the other feels like I never want to see her again for marrying him. As of yet, I don't know which part can influence me more. I guess I'll see tomorrow.

_Sam's POV_

Well we're back and I've calmed down since the wedding. Of course I'm meant to be with Stuart. Thinking of Phil was just pre-wedding nerves.

I have to wonder how much can have changed in the week we've been away? Not much it seems. The same dull walls are still standing and the same bored uniform officer I never bothered to learn the name of is staring into space at the front desk. Stuart jogs up behind me, and encircles my waist with his arms. I shrug him off quickly. You never know who might see… I walk to the door, and proceed to type in my door code, but it refuses to open. I try it again, but it still won't budge. Stuart rolls his eyes, and he too attempts to type it in, almost as if he finds him self better equipped to type in four numbers than I am. He mutters something about a new code and goes back out to the car. A man I don't recognise comes down the CID stairs and lets the door fall closed behind him. He must be Zain's replacement.

"I'm DS Nixon" I stop him, "What's the new door code?"

"Do you have your warrant card?" he asks

"No, it's upstairs" I reply

"Well then I can't just let you in then, you could be anyone."

"Look I've worked here for six years. You can ask anyone."

"Sorry. No warrant card, no access." He says in an annoyingly arrogant tone. As soon as I get back into life in Sunhill, I'm going to make life as difficult for that little twerp as possible.

"Sam!" a familiar voice calls from behind me, "you're back!" I turn, a small smile spreading across my face. Phil Hunter. Just the man I'm dying to see. He'll put that kid into his place.

"Hey Phil" I answer, "What's the new code to the door? This guy wouldn't give it to me."

"She could have been anyone" the man points out, looking a little worried. Phil glances between us and then points out,

"He's right ya know." And for a minute, I'm thrown. It doesn't matter that I don't know the new code. It doesn't matter that the new boy's in the right. All that matters is that Phil should stand up for me like always. Since when did common sense matter to Phil when it was about me? This is the man that assisted me in abduction for God's sake. Putting a DC in his place can't be that difficult compared to that surely.

_Phil's POV_

She's back… and I don't have a clue what to say to her. Suddenly, I notice that DC Wilkins is still standing there, looking like a gormless idiot.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" I ask. I need to talk to Sam in private. I need to know all about her honeymoon. And more importantly whether or not Stuart's the great husband she expected him to be. However as the young DC half runs away, reminding me just a little of Gary Best, I find I can't ask that. It's too personal now. Between us, Stuart will now be a taboo subject.

"So…" I begin awkwardly, as if this is the first time I've ever spoken to her, "Where's Stu?" she shrugs so I ask her something else,

"How was the cruise?" her face brightens up and she proceeds to tell me all about the people she met; the places they visited. Really stuff that I have no interest in, in my jealous state.

_Sam's POV_

The cruise. That's a safe topic. One that doesn't involve much talk about Stuart if I answer it right. But he's looking at me as if he's either lost in thought or bored out of his mind. Probably the latter.

"What happened while I was away?" I ask, hoping the change of topic will waken him up, but he still has the same faraway look. Maybe it's just me he's become bored with.

"Nothing really. Zain left, new guy came, Terry spilt coffee all down Mickey's keyboard…" Phil manages to sum up the weeks events in just over ten words. I can't bare this silence between us much longer. Phil's supposed to be one of my best friends. So why is it so hard?

_Phil's POV_

And is if things weren't awkward enough already, here's Stuart to liven things up. As soon as he spots me, I notice he subconsciously draws himself up, tries to make himself look taller. It's obvious he's intimidated by me. He used to be jealous of Sam and I's friendship. Now he has so much more than we ever did. Our on/off tendencies had to end eventually. I'd just have been happier if we'd stayed together instead of falling apart.

"Alright mate?" Stuart asks stopping by Sam's side, an arm sliding not so subtly around her waist. I almost snap back that I'm not his mate, never have been and probably never will be, but I hold back. If Sam and I are ever going to salvage what remains of our friendship after all these years of heartbreak then I'm going to have to be civil to the man she loves. Even though it probably will kill me.

_Sam's POV_

Maybe Phil does still care. He looked like he was going to rip Stuart's head off as soon as he laid a hand on me. But I shouldn't be thinking like this. I'm in love with Stuart. Of course I am. That's why I married him. So why do I still want Phil to tell me he loves me? To push me up against the wall and kiss me, not caring who watches?

He and I never did that. In our attempts at a relationship, we never really went public. Maybe that's what killed our friendship. However, now Phil's putting on an obviously fake smile, and touches my arm, just like the old days. He's making an effort to fix things between us, and so must I. I gently disentangle myself from Stuart and I notice a slight smirk forming on Phil's face. A slightly triumphant look glinting in his eye. I look to Stuart and his face is the mirror opposite of Phil's. Obvious annoyance and disappointment that I'd still favour Phil after all this time is in his eyes. I suddenly feel the need to get away from both of them. I blurt out,

"I'd better go see the DCI. I'll meet you in the canteen at lunch Phil. We'll have to have a proper catch up." He nods and smiles at me warmly for the first time since my return. I get the feeling everything will be okay after all.

_Phil's POV_

She's fifteen minutes late. Maybe she's forgotten about me. Wouldn't be the first time she's left me to be with another man… But that's in the past. I have to learn to let go of this resentment I have. I can't lose her as a friend as well as a lover. The door bursts open and she's here, muttering apologies and sliding into the seat opposite me. We look at each other awkwardly, when I know what has to be said,

"So what's married life like?"

"Pretty much the same as living with him."

"Still as boring as ever then" I tease

"Yeah, only now there are more arguments than ever. He's insisting we paint the walls again."

Painting the walls… there's something about that that's familiar. She must notice my expression because she answers my unspoken question.

"Yeah, that is the reason I walked out on him last time"

"When we…" I don't finish the sentence. Neither of us needs to be reminded of our Christmas kiss. That's a dangerous topic, which would inevitably lead to the topic of our final love making session on her birthday last year. Neither of us has to remember the pleasure and the pain it caused. However, she's looking at me strangely and I can tell she's already thinking of it.

_Sam's POV_

Why did he have to bring that up? Today of all days, which is quite possibly the most awkward day of my life already. He's looking at me strangely again, almost as if he wants to have a repeat performance on this canteen table, right here, right now. I smile bitterly. After all this time, nothings changed. He's just the same sex addict, and I'm just the same woman who wants him just as much as he wants me. It was circumstances that changed. Not us.

_Phil's POV_

She's married, to Stu of all people. He's too young for her. But he's way better than Hugh Wallis. Being way too old was just one of the things wrong with him. What she needs is someone slightly younger. Someone like me. If she'd ever given me a chance, she'd know that we'd work. It's because I love her that I'd never let her go again.

_Sam's POV_

I love Stuart. I know that. I worked it all out while on the cruise. Phil is just my temptation. I have to overcome him before I can be truly happy with Stuart. Though there's a part of me screaming inside that I love Phil too. That I love Phil more than I ever loved anyone. Even Stuart. I know that's nonsense though. Because if Phil had really loved me, he wouldn't have let me marry Stuart instead.

_Phil's POV_

There's too much unsaid between us. Everything was so much easier back in the days that all Sam and I had to worry about was Kate. There's gotta be some way to fix this… Some way to make the hurt end.

"I'm still your guy right…" I ask, knowing how desperate I sound, "The one you can go to to complain about Stuart."

"Course" she replies, smiling, remembering the day standing in the car park that we decided that. For the first time today, I look into her emerald eyes, and I see warmth residing in them… Warmth and maybe even love… I can't help but smile back. I can tell that things will work out between us after all.

**abrupt ending i know but it was reaching its 4th page on word, so i decided i had to stop. **

**BTW this is the absolute ending to this fic lol. **


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